16 posts tagged “motherhood” (page 2)
If you are a mother and have not read this book, please please do yourself a favor and read it. Hell, if you're a father and haven't read it, you ought to read it. And if you're expecting a child or ever hope to have any offspring, you should still read it.
To say that it's funny would be a gross understatement.
To say that I laughed out loud so many times and fought hard to keep back tears would be a gross understatement.
To say that this is one of the funniest things I have ever read would be a gross understatement.
It's just something that you need to experience yourself.
Now, in fairness, it's not just a funny book. In fact, I found a quote within its pages that I plan on posting on my wall and committing to memory:
Something about being a mother makes you put your kid before all else. But the truth is, too much of that and the kid isn't getting what she needs most, which is you. Sometimes, the trick is figuring out how to put yourself first so there's something for the kid's needs to be carried on.
Elizabeth Soutter Schwarzer's anecdotes are hilariously funny but also poignant and sweet. There's a story about a trip to the beach where her daughter let go of a kite and was devastated by its loss. She also talks about having terrible morning sickness and her feelings of inadequacies in caring for her daughter when she was too weak to care for herself.
There's a lot within these pages that I know I can look forward to experiencing for myself, and that's a big part of the reason it's so enjoyable. And I'm really hoping that she'll release a sequel!
The first book I've read since Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows also happened to be a parenting book, or, rather, a book to help me through some of my daily struggles with being a mom. Its pages are full of funny anecdotes and advice on how to not feel guilty about working outside the home.
The authors, Beth Feldman and Yvette Corporon, both work in the entertainment industry and chose different paths in approaching their careers once motherhood beckoned. Both chose to further their careers, but it was the ways in which they did so that differed.
One of the funniest things that showed the differences between the authors was their approaches to serving food. Beth, for example, says, "I don't do cupcakes," and goes on to write about bringing Dunkin Donuts Munchkins to her son's bake sale. Yvette, on the other hand, says she cooks out of guilt, as if elaborately planned and executed meals and dinner parties make up for the time she spends away from her kids. (The chapters on food also have recipes, including a chicken tenders breaded with whole wheat panko. I'm anxious to try that one.)
My one gripe, though, is that the book assumes that the reader can easily adapt her schedule to work from home at least part of the time... which isn't always possible. Sadly, I think companies that understand the value of telecommuting employees are in the minority, at least in this state where I live. (Ironically, I would probably do more work, not less, if I were working from home, especially since I spend a good part of my days waiting for things that don't post until the late afternoon... right before I need to go home.) It also assumes that the reader works in an office (which I do, but which many moms do not) and has a fairly predictable schedule.
There are a lot of moments in this book that made me laugh out loud, though. I could relate to a number of things they discussed, and some I can just imagine are coming my way as Baby C gets older. But I'll have to say that the book was a wonderfully funny and fresh perspective on how to juggle being a wife and mother who works outside the home.
My mother used to tell my sister and me that she went to work to rest. I never believed it or understood it; after all, how can you possibly rest at work? It defies all laws of biology, physics, and common sense!
But I understand what she meant now.
It's not that she had an easy job. Or easy jobs, as she kept a part-time job (for fun!) on top of her full-time gig (and taught at our church on Saturday mornings). But there were lots of times she would come home to a cranky husband and two girls fighting over who stole whose Guess? shirt out of whose clean laundry pile.
I reflect on it now and wonder how it was my mother was able to keep her cool.
Work was her refuge, as it's becoming mine. When I'm at work, I can plan out the next week's menus (which I'm actually trying to do, since my poor husband has done almost all the cooking since the baby was seven weeks old), write out shopping lists, pay bills, balance my checkbook, and correspond with friends. At work, my days are disciplined, organized, and comparatively easy to navigate. I have daily To Do and Must Do lists, and I'm not struggling to simultaneously entertain and soothe a 5-month-old while I cross things off my list. As many interruptions as I may get at work (and I do get quite a few of them), they are nothing compared to the baby's interruptions when I'm trying to do something as simple and banal as folding laundry. (In fact, I still have a basket left over from the Saturday, only half of which has been successfully put away!)
I think this largely explains why I am in such awe of stay-at-home mothers. Not only do I lack the imagination and creativity to keep my baby entertained, I need a certain degree of structure in my daily routines to keep myself sane.
So, I get it now. It took me several years and having a child of my own to finally understand how it was possible that my mother rested while at work. Work is, comparatively, my easier job. The benefits aren't as great as my motherhood job (how can you possibly top hearing your baby's giggles and coos and watching him grow from a tiny baby to a little boy?), and I don't have as much satisfaction (the house isn't as clean as I'd like it to be), but at least it pays well.
One year ago today, I knew for sure that Baby C was coming. In fact, one year ago today I had already started calling him "Baby C", but I didn't know he would be a "he". "Baby C" really refered to the unknown being residing in my belly and already zapping me of all nutrients and energy.
It's nice to know some things haven't changed.
More importantly, though, it's been a year since I knew my life as I knew it was going to change dramatically. I just never fully understood how dramatically. You think you know what's involved in being a mother, in bringing a new life into the world, in being fully responsible for another being's existence. Then, a few short months later (extremely short months that also seem to drag on and on - until they're over and you wonder where they went), you hear your baby's first cry and wonder, "Am I ready for this?"
That's a trick question, by the way. The answer, I've discovered, is both "Yes" and "No."
So, for one year, now, I've knowingly been responsible for someone other than myself. For one year, I've taken better care of my body than I ever have (and, come to think of it, I really ought to continue this). For one year, I've nurtured my little Baby C to the best of my ability. And in the past year, I think I've been to the doctor more times than I had in all of the 1990s.
I spent this anniversary in bed, nursing a flu-like bug that Baby C, my ever so generous boy, lovingly passed to me. It's very different from how I spent the evening last year, when I lay in bed with my husband, poking my still-flat belly, and wondering what kind of a mother I would be. Now, a year later, I miss my still-flat belly, but I know what kind of mother I am (or, at least, I think I do).
It's been one whole year since I started taking care of my little boy - one whole year since it's no longer been about me. If you asked me last year what I thought my life would be like today, I don't know what I would have said. But if I could pass a message to myself last year, I'd tell myself to relax, slow down, and enjoy being able to take a shower whenever I wanted without worrying about how long it would take the baby to realize I've left the room.
Oh, and I'd tell myself to start babyproofing right away. :-)
So, on the heels of reading another Vox mom's post, I saw a segment this morning on the early, early, early news about the five friends every mom should have: a Role Model, a Twin, a Spontaneous Buddy, a Rebel Mom, and the Baby's Best Friend's Mom. Sad to say, I don't have any of these friends, save the "Role Model Mom" (my sister, who lives in another corner of the country). All my friends are either sans children (but thankfully tolerant of Baby C) or expecting babies of their own (which is to say they might fit other roles later, but not right now). And it really, really depressed me this morning.
Last week, I was searching desperately for something to do with Baby C on the weekends. It's in part to give my husband some time to work on desperately needed (and much procrastinated) home improvement projects, but also to get out with Baby C and meet other moms. (As my sister said, those early play dates aren't so much about the kids as much as they are about the moms having a chance to bond a bit.) You know what's even worse? We don't even have a park near us! Talk about depressing.
Moreover, I would have so many more options available to me if I were a stay-at-home mom. There's Strollercize, Lactation Luncheons, Kindermusic, and Baby Yoga - all during the work day and not really feasible for me. And this, of course, adds to the Mommy Guilt I feel every day I leave Baby C and day care and go to work. (Never mind that I wouldn't be able to afford any of these things if I wasn't working. Logic doesn't work when you're depressed.)
I'm still in search of something to do tomorrow with Baby C; I may hit a nearby Farmer's Market Sunday morning and see how that goes. In the meantime, I'll keep searching for ways to meet other moms with kids Baby C's age.
According to CNN, a new study has determined that children in childcare have higher disciplinary problems than those who were cared for by Mom. At the same time, they also noted that it's impossible to walk into a classroom and pick out those who were in childcare and those who weren't. Apparently, parenting style still plays a prominent role in a child's development.
These reports make me crazy. You want to do what's best for your child and raise him or her the best possible way. For our household, cutting back to a single income isn't an option. It's not that we live beyond our means or anything, but the cost of daycare is significantly less than I make a year - and I happen to really like my job! Will it mean reprioritizing my life to make sure I spend "enough time" with my son? Absolutely! Is it something I'm willing to do? Of course.
I've resigned myself to the fact that there is no way I will be able to do everything I want to do, so I'm picking those things that are most important to me and absolving myself of the guilt associated with not being able to do everything else. Maybe things will change again once Baby C is here, and if that's the case, then so be it. But I refuse to believe that I will not be a good mother because I've made the decision to return to work.
