2 posts tagged “i hate being used”

Generally speaking, I'm a very trusting person. Some might even say I'm too trusting.

I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I like to believe the best about people. I like thinking that people have genuinely good hearts and generous souls.

So, why, then, am I starting to reevaluate my opinions of people?

I have a number of acquaintances whose company I enjoy (most of the time), but I draw the line at calling them "friends" because I don't trust them. There are other people I know (many of whom I prefer to avoid) whose words and actions I carefully weigh because I can feel another purpose behind what they may say or do.

And it's exhausting.

I'm blatantly honest when I tell people my motives. I interviewed a coworker last month, for example, to write an article about her. I wanted to write a "Working Mom Spotlight" and asked if she would mind being my guinea pig. My goals, I clearly explained, were to (a) brush up on my interviewing skills, (b) write a decent article for submission and (c) have her pass the link to my article on to everyone she knew so that I could earn a bit of money from it. It was a very nice article, if I may say so myself, and I painted her and her side business in a very positive light.

I have another friend who is mad about fitness. So I offered myself as a guinea pig while she works on getting certification as a personal trainer. After all, I'd like to be a little more fit, and I like hanging out with her. In the interim, she's also helping me declutter my house by taking career clothes out of my closet and a few other odds and ends, too.

I don't think people mind my honesty when I explain the real motives behind certain actions. Maybe that would be a different story if I called up a friend and said something like, "Hey, I just want to gossip about so-and-so and want you to tell me all the bad things you think of her so I can later tell her what you said when she and I get together to gossip about you."

But I'm not that kind of person, anyway.

Perhaps it's because I've spent the last two weeks on tenter hooks waiting for information on the job statuses of all my friends - and my husband - who work for Disney.

Perhaps it's because I refuse to volunteer my husband or friends for "assignments", especially those that technically go against their company's policies.

Perhaps it's because I don't like to be used and don't want people to "use" my husband or friends.

Perhaps it's because I like to keep my work family at arm's length.

Or, perhaps deep down inside, it's because I'm really just a selfish person.

My work family knows my husband works for Disney. In this town, everyone knows someone employed by The Mouse. When a single company is home to roughly 60,000 employees, you can't help but know someone on the inside.

My husband's parents get requests for Chris to help them book vacations. I've heard him on the phone with people countless times, offering assistance but in no way giving anything more. It's a nuisance, really, because while there are certain perks that come with his employment with Disney, misuse can be viewed as grounds for termination. In better days, I would never ask him to defy company policies. Why in the world would anyone think I would do so now?

One of my coworkers asked me today about acquiring theme park passes for her family. My knee jerk reaction was an immediate, "No, absolutely not!" She went on to explain that she would be willing to pay up to half the gate price for them, and my head immediately began throbbing.

"Maybe some of your friends who are out of work could use the extra money?" she suggested.

I about lost it. My friends had been laid off - their sources of income eliminated - and she saw it instead as an opportunity to fleece them? But I took a deep breath and explained, in no uncertain terms, that I was not about to ask my friends - who have never volunteered any passes - to do a favor for someone they don't know, someone I barely know on a personal level myself. I suggested she ask someone else in the department.

Another coworker whose spouse works for The Mouse agreed to help, so in the end, everything worked out for all the involved parties.

But I can't help but be incredibly miffed at the whole thing.

I have a headache. I think I'm going to go home.