5 posts tagged “children”

I always thought that line always sounded a little harsh, but I've realized over the last few weeks how very thankful I am to not be suffering like so many others in the world. (The line still sounds harsh, though.)

Almost every time I walk into the break room at work, CNN is running a story about parents in China who have lost their only children in this month's earthquake. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. They've called it "China's Lost Generation", and it truly is. Here, the government limited the number of offspring per couple to just one, and now, in one fell swoop, that generation has practically been decimated.

Yesterday, I watched a mother, almost carried by her husband, walk the streets near the wreckage of a school, clinging to a photograph of her daughter and weeping uncontrollably. It's been more than two weeks, and she wants so desperately to believe that her child is alive and just waiting to be rescued. It's almost akin to those families waiting by the phone after the World Trade Center fell, only worse because there isn't an enemy to blame for the loss of your loved one.

Every time I think of these people, these families, these mothers, I choke back tears and resist the urge to rush to my son's school, drink in that smile he smiles just for me, and hug him and smother him with more kisses than I could possibly count, and then kiss him some more. But I wait until I get home to cuddle him and listen to him babble about his day, and I thank God every night when I check on my slumbering boy that we had a day together, and I thank Him again in the morning that we have the promise of another one.

I wouldn't wish this agony on anyone, but I do thank God it's not me suffering. And my heart breaks for all of those who are.

According to CNN, a new study has determined that children in childcare have higher disciplinary problems than those who were cared for by Mom. At the same time, they also noted that it's impossible to walk into a classroom and pick out those who were in childcare and those who weren't. Apparently, parenting style still plays a prominent role in a child's development.

These reports make me crazy. You want to do what's best for your child and raise him or her the best possible way. For our household, cutting back to a single income isn't an option. It's not that we live beyond our means or anything, but the cost of daycare is significantly less than I make a year - and I happen to really like my job! Will it mean reprioritizing my life to make sure I spend "enough time" with my son? Absolutely! Is it something I'm willing to do? Of course.

I've resigned myself to the fact that there is no way I will be able to do everything I want to do, so I'm picking those things that are most important to me and absolving myself of the guilt associated with not being able to do everything else. Maybe things will change again once Baby C is here, and if that's the case, then so be it. But I refuse to believe that I will not be a good mother because I've made the decision to return to work.

So, I just got off the phone a little while ago with my sister. She sent us a gigantic box of goodies for the baby, and she wanted to explain what some of the items were. Many were self-explanatory (books, for example), but others had stories behind them.

Included in the box were a number of bottles, which, it turns out, were my nieces' favorite bottles when they were babies. "You'll just need to get new nipples for them," she said, "or I can even get new nipples for the baby."

My younger niece (M - age 3) then said (loud enough for me to hear over the phone), "I want nibbles!"

"You want nibbles?" my sister asked. "What kind of nibbles would you like?"

"The kind you're getting for the baby," M responded.

My sister then explained that she was buying nipples for the bottles, not nibbles. I, however, sat laughing in near-hysteria on the other end of the line.

This is why I love kids. They crack me up.

My neighbor at work starts up classes again next week. She's going to school part time for fashion design, and she's so excited about her classes and everything. It really makes me miss school.

Now, don't get me wrong - I've definitely got enough on my plate with a new baby coming, and we've definitely got enough upcoming expenses with the baby coming, too. And I'm really not interested in fashion design (I can barely put together a scrapbook page without consulting my color wheel). But there's this part of me that wistfully recalls my crazy days going to school full-time while I worked full-time... and was somehow insane enough to think that I needed a part time job on top of that during my second year. Hmmm...

The thing is, I like learning. I love to read, I love to discuss ideas and hear others' points of view. I like writing papers and, in some weird way, I like taking tests. Test-taking is like having an excuse to show off how much you know. Mind you, I didn't think this way when I was in high school and forced to take tests in subjects I didn't care about (biology, chemistry, physics, and all mathematics, for example), but I enjoyed it while working on my MBA.

Of course, my graduate experience is different from undergrad and earlier experiences, only because this time around, it was a choice that I made. Doing well in grad school was also important to me not because I wanted to make my parents proud but because I wanted to really learn this stuff and get a better job!

So, I miss school. I miss having a structured week with classes, homework, reading assignments, syllabi and tests. But I promised myself that I wouldn't go back to school until my kids are in late elementary or middle school, once they're old enough to understand and appreciate my choice to continue my education. My mother set the example of a constant thirst for knowledge for my sister and me; I'd like to make sure I set a similar tone for my kids, too.

Allow me a moment to apologize to any QuiverFull followers who may be reading this. I admittedly don't know much about it, except that the idea behind it is to (a) not use any method of birth control (natural or otherwise) and (b) welcome as many children into your family as God allows.

That said, I'm absolutely amazed that there are people who follow this.

I was awakened this morning (as I generally am at 3 o'clock) by some gentle stirrings in my belly, only to be followed by more urgent, forceful tapping when I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep. It seems my son needed me to eat - yes, this has become a pattern. At any rate, there was a news story on the television talking about the QuiverFull Movement, this Evangelical Christian counter culture movement that is all about having kids. It's based on a passage in the Book of Psalms.

Now, I like kids. I'm even enjoying this pregnancy. But, for me, I'd like to offer my children the best possible life they could have. This means a comfortable home, a solid education, and a great deal of unconditional love. Given our household income and projected future income, this translates to no more than two - maybe three - children. I think it would be really unfair to the children if we were to have more.

But the man they interviewed in this piece didn't seem as concerned about a solid education for his kids, especially not the girls (he just wants them to be mothers - he indicated that careers should be secondary to them). He said he doesn't plan to send the kids off to college, except maybe the boys if they have a "calling that requires them to have college degrees".

More intriguing to me was the man's wife, this mother of eight, who was completely content in this lifestyle. I, personally, don't get it. I realize that my life will change dramatically in a few months, and that my primary role will be that of "Mother" for the rest of my life. But I enjoy my career immensely, too, and I strongly doubt I would be content solely with raising children and keeping house. I don't even want to think about health issues this poor woman may face in the coming years, either.

So, in a nutshell, no, the QuiverFull Movement definitely isn't for me. Maybe if the infant mortality rate was still as high as it was in Biblical times, or if we lived on a farm and needed all the hands we could get to help tend to the livestock and crops, I would feel different. In fact, I'm sure I would. After all, I like kids - and my pregnancy has actually been quite enjoyable most of the time. But the world is severely overpopulated (except in Germany, where the government is actually paying people to have kids), the public education system in (the vast majority of) the United States is terrible, and technology has made it possible for us to do more with fewer people. I want to offer my children the very best life they can have without becoming burdens ourselves to an already failing system, just as my parents did for me. I think planning anything less than that for them is unfair.

But then again, I don't really have high hopes that my son will become an Evangelical Christian minister, either, so...