Now, I realize there are lots of different kinds of support. What I'm questioning is how a limit - or more specifically, conditions - can be placed on emotional support.
I have a friend going through a rather tough time right now. She's had to make some very difficult decisions, and while I don't think I would have made the same choices in her shoes, I respect the fact that, as an adult, she is capable of making sound decisions that are right for her. More importantly, I support these decisions because right now, more than anything, that's what she needs. Well, that and a winning lottery ticket, but don't we all?
But I got a very frustrated message from her today indicating that some of her friends don't view the situation the same way, and they think she needs to do things their ways. So, I pose the question again: how can you put a limit on support? How can you make it conditional? I'm sure they have her best interests at heart (they don't want her to get hurt any more than she already has been, for example), but can't they see their own actions are causing her even more grief? It's not like these recent decisions have been easy to make - she's had to weigh a lot of factors before making her choices. I think the least I can personally do as her friend is (a) respect her decisions regardless of my own thoughts or feelings about it, (b) be supportive of her decisions, and (c) make myself available to her when she needs to celebrate the positive things, making sure to bite my tongue if she needs me to commiserate with her on the not-so-positive things.
[sigh] And I thought angst was just a teenage thing!
Every morning, before he leaves for work, my husband says goodbye to me and to Baby C. (For those who are new to the story, Baby C is still in utero, so saying "goodbye" to him means rubbing my belly.) Anyway, we were talking and he was telling me that my mother-in-law was leaving this morning, probably around the same time as I would leave for work, and that I didn't need to rush to be presentable and say my goodbyes to her. Then he put his hand on my belly, and some part of Baby C popped up on the other side of it. So, Chris moved his hand to where the baby popped up, and Baby C moved to the other side. It was like they were playing "Whack-a-Mole", only there was no whacking involved (that would have been too painful).
Finally, Chris put both hands on my belly, and his son settled down and stubbornly (or perhaps obediently?) wouldn't move.
On a totally unrelated note, despite all the food I've eaten this past week, I've only gained a pound! That brings my grand total to 29 pounds gained over the last 30 weeks, so I'm right on track! (Week 31 starts tomorrow...)
For one thing, making myself at home (and very obviously propping my feet up on a chair) has not fazed anyone. Even the Director of HR popped by to check on me, and she said I should bring in an afghan to lay across my lap - and maybe a small dog or cat - and I would look right at home. I said I knew it wasn't the most professional look, and she laughed and said, "Are you kidding? At least you're comfortable and productive - that's better than the alternative."
Another thing: there's almost always food here. Sometimes, you just need to be patient, and the food will appear. Of course, since people feel sorry for me because of my awkward gait, it means people will bring me food! A couple of weeks ago it was a burger and fries. Last week it was a salad and some strawberries. Just now it was popcorn and some pretzels. How can you not love a place where you are well-fed?
The other thing I love about this place is how genuinely interested everyone is in the little (or not-so-little) baby. The Acquisitions Manager likes to tease me about how much bigger his belly is than mine when he passes me in the hall - to which I've countered, "Give me a few more weeks!" And the ladies in Payroll are all so interested in my weight gain - mainly because they like to see how much I'm gaining (compared to what they're trying to lose). It makes my weekly weigh-ins more entertaining.
It's like a big happy family here. I'm so glad I'm not dealing with the stress-fests that my sister and some friends had to ordeal during their third trimesters!
I have become exactly what I did not ever want to be: the stereotypical pregnant woman. I waddle when I walk, I have chronic back pain (because I'm trying to walk as upright as possible), I'm almost always out of breathe, and I'm hungry... a lot. Today I had a big bowl of cereal before leaving for work, followed by toast and Ovaltine once I got to work, then two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, two cups of mixed fruit (courtesy of my mother-in-law), a cup of yogurt, and large fries for lunch. And I'm still really hungry. (For the record, lunch lasted from 11 to 1 - and I ate at my desk.)
I've noticed, though, that this whole hunger thing comes in waves. For a while, I'll be in this constant state of near-starvation, but then a week or two later it dissipates and I'll be able to eat (a little more) normally. Maybe my baby is going through a growth spurt. I have no idea. All I know is that I'm starving to death, but food doesn't really have any real appeal right now.
Jen invited me to lunch today, which I couldn't refuse (when a girlfriend asks you to lunch, it usually means there's stuff to talk about), so besides that and the occasional trips to the bathroom, I've successfully stayed off my feet today! And I'll have to say this: I feel a whole lot better.
Last week, by this time, I was feeling quite uncomfortable, so much so that by the end of the day, the thought of moving was almost enough to bring tears to my eyes. So, obviously, it wouldn't take much to improve things.
In retrospect, I'm very glad I listened to my husband this weekend and mostly stayed in bed. If I hadn't, I would have never discovered that keeping my feet propped up is the best and ultimately most comfortable thing for me to do. Mind you, I still have 2 loads of laundry waiting for me, but now that I'm not going to be completely sore and useless when I get home, I'll at least be able to do one of them.
So, after a barrage of lectures from my sister (whom we've already established is always right), my father, my mother, my husband, and my friends, I actually decided all these well-meaning people may have a point. So, I rearranged my cube at work a bit, moving a chair against a wall so I can prop my feet up on it while I work. It required moving the computer monitor a bit closer to the edge of the desk so I can see what's going on (I still haven't gone to the optometrist to get a new "pregnancy eyeglass" prescription), but so far, it's working. I discovered last night that if I'm sitting completely upright with my legs not propped up, it hurts to walk when I start getting mobile again. This is the best way I can mimic lying in bed while still doing my job at work. Plus, I can ask others to run to the breakroom for me to get me glasses of water. :-)
Have I mentioned how much I love where I work?
I also resolved to swallow my pride and use the elevator now. I only climb one floor, and I feel really silly taking the elevator for one floor, but I think I can suck it up for the next 7-10 weeks.
I'll report later on my progress of staying off my feet. It's not something I typically do very well, but I will certainly make the effort.
My family was in town this week, and I was able to spend some of Saturday afternoon chatting with my mother before I needed to take them to the airport. It's amazing what you can learn about yourself by talking to your mom. She provided all sorts of insight into things I had just taken for granted.
Take, for example, my ambivalence towards clothes shopping. It's something I have to do (oddly, people tend to frown upon complete nudity in my area), but I don't particularly have fun doing it. I thought it was because of the shopping excursions I would be forced to endure with my mother and sister (whom, by the way, are both marathon shoppers - together, they are a force to behold), bored out of my mind. But no, as it turns out, up until the age of about 6 or 7, I used to love going shopping.
Really? Me?
The blame for my shift in thinking, apparently, lies at the feet of the designers. Jordache, in particular. See, when I was just starting out in elementary school, Jordache jeans were all the rage. (This should give you an idea of how old I am.) Anyway, the smallest size Jordache made was a size 7. When I was 7 years old (and should have been wearing a size 7), I was still wearing a size 6X. Frustrated that nothing ever fit (even as I got older - I used to be very slight before I got pregnant and hope to one day be again), I gave up on shopping for clothes and found myself content in wearing my sister's hand-me-downs. In fact, I'm still content doing so and am actually frustrated whenever I have to shop on my own.
So, if I don't spend enough money in clothing stores to help boost the consumer spending numbers, it's all because of those early formative years, when nothing was in my size... and very little still is today.
It was just good to know the shopping gene didn't skip me completely.
What are your favorite weird food combinations?
Submitted by Dulce.
Doritos with cottage cheese. It sounds really weird, I know - and no, it's not a pregnancy thing - but there's something about the super-saltiness in the Doritos that works really well with the cottage cheese. It's really good.
The other combo that's not-so-weird now that I'm older and know how to cook but was really odd back in the day: bologna and cream cheese. Nowadays I think anything wrapped around cream cheese is yummy (okay, so that may be a pregnancy thing), but add some chives to that cream cheese, and bologna and cream cheese (with chives) is pretty darned tasty. And the only way you can get me to eat bologna.
Except for the fact that there's a very limited selection of baby supply stores here in Central Florida, I would not set foot inside Toys R Us or have any dealings with them. Unfortunately, we don't have the awesome boutique shops that my sister has at her disposal in New York or some of my friends have back home, so Toys R Us has to fill in the gaps left by Target. (I refuse to go to Wal-Mart - that's another whole topic altogether.) In fact, I do as much shopping online as possible to avoid having to go to Toys R Us.
But my mother-in-law is in town and wants to buy us our baby monitor, and I'm not about to refuse. Ever the analyst, I did my homework and decided upon a specific model by Sony (that has 27 channels so it shouldn't pick up too much interference from our hyper-electronic house). And, of course, the Sony website said that Toys R Us was the only local retailer that carries it. [sigh] So, after 10 minutes on hold with Toys R Us, I learn that, yes, they have it in stock. [sigh]
I'm glad I found a place to get it locally, but I just wish it wasn't Toys R Us!
What are five things you're good at?
Submitted by HapaLove.
Having finished my review at work (and after receiving good marks all around), I'm better equipped to respond honestly to this question. So, here goes:
1. I'm good at making stationery. Seriously. I made all the stationery for our wedding, and I've taken to making greeting cards and other paper goods, as well. I enjoy it, and I'm good at it.
2. I'm a good cook. This is something else I really enjoy, and I'm good at it, too. Don't get me wrong - I'm not as good as others I know. I'm not about to take on osso buco, lobster bisque, or seared foie gras, but I have a number of really tasty recipes in my back pocket that I can whip up with relative ease. And they all take less than 30 minutes to make - and they're NOT Rachel Ray recipes, either!
3. I'm a good salesperson. I think in this day and age, you have to be. Mind you, I wouldn't be good at selling cars or golf clubs or anything in which I don't have a true interest. But when it's something I'm passionate about, watch out! I've been known to convince people to throw down an additional $75 dollars for a better blender, all because I knew that product very well and believed in it (it also helps to own it). At the same time, I've saved people money by steering them away from certain circle and oval cutters and towards other cutting systems (again, it helps to own the product).
4. I'm a good writer. I have awards from the 6th and 8th grades that say so, so it must be true. Seriously, though - and this goes along the lines of being something I enjoy and do well - I'm proud of my writing skills. I can adapt my writing style to fit (almost) any audience; here on Vox, I write in a very casual manner, which is essentially the same way I would speak. I think my husband would say that my written stories are better than my oral versions, only because I have a tendency when speaking to delve into minutiae, whereas the written versions tend to be more concise.
5. I'm a good wife. My husband would have to verify this, of course, but I think I take good care of him. Well, when I'm not exhausted from being pregnant with his son, anyway!
