Hungry babies

I'm not a perfect mother. I don't think I even come close. I'm trying so hard to just get by each day, I congratulate myself if Baby C and I make it out of the house in the morning with both of us wearing socks (unless I'm wearing sandals, that is).

One thing I don't like, though, is hearing my baby cry. Now, a little bit of fussing is fine, if it sounds like he's try to reach for something, pull/push himself into position, relieve some gas, or poop. And there are other times when I can tolerate his fussing. But it absolutely breaks my heart to hear him wail, especially when he's crying because he's hungry.

When I drop Baby C off at school each morning, I have a bit of a ritual. I carry him into the room, then put him in a swing or bouncy seat so I can check him in. The teachers are usually trying to calm crying babies who are, by the sound of their cries, starving. (Baby C makes those cries, too, and it's usually followed by such vigorous sucking that you'd think it had been three days since he last ate, not three hours.) Baby C will sit there, sometimes quietly and sometimes talking to himself, observing the other kids. I'll talk him through my routine ("Mommy is signing you in now. You woke up at 6:30, you last ate at 8, and you last had your diaper changed at 7:30 - and what a poopy diaper it was!"), occasionally looking over at him to return his smiles. After I sign him in, I check his supplies ("Oh, we're running low on diapers!"), put away his food for the day, then store the messenger bag we use for his school supplies so that Chris can grab it in the afternoon. And throughout all of this, Baby C is patiently waiting while some of his classmates are wailing.

On occasion, Baby C will start to cry before I leave because he's not quite full, and I'll pick him up, find a chair, and feed him on the spot so that he's got a full belly before I leave. And if he poops before I leave and I can see the teachers have their hands full, I'll change his diaper, too. I figure it's the least I can do.

One of his teachers told me this morning how much she appreciates that I make sure Baby C is fed, dry, and comfortable before I leave. I explained that I like to make sure he's happy before I leave. It's much easier, after all, to leave Baby C when he's quietly sitting in a swing and observing the room than when he's crying frantically and inconsolable.

But I have to confess I go through this ritual each morning in hopes that, in the afternoon, Chris will find him in the same state that I left him: with a full belly, a clean diaper, and a good disposition.