Crow: Best served cold with a side of humility and a glass of realism

Aug 9, 2007 at 4:49 AM
6 comments

One thing I insisted I would never, never, never do once the baby came was allow him to sleep in my bed.

And then the baby came. And, after a shaky start, I got him back in his room without a good deal of drama.

But then I went back to work and caught a cold (that was replaced by the day care's sickness du jour), and with Baby C not sleeping through the nights (yet? I'm still holding out hope) and insisting on being fed every two and a half to three hours, the only way for me to get any rest was to take him to bed with me for feedings. And then I'd fall asleep, and in bed with me he would remain.

It seems like that was forever ago. And now I'm battling getting the boy to sleep in his own bed for longer than a few minutes. (I'm elated if he stays asleep long enough for me to shower.) I don't suppose it helps, either, that he's congested and that I can't seem to get that last gas bubble out of his tummy.

Thank God this crow is well-seasoned.

So I've been up now for the past two hours (not just awake, mind you, but actually up) trying to get Baby C to sleep in his own bed. He'll do it, but then as soon as I crawl back into the warm safety of my own bed, I'll hear him crying. Sometimes it's a cry of hunger. Every now and then it's a cry of pain (damned gas bubbles). But more often than not, it seems like it's a cry of frustration at being unable to fall asleep again after waking.

I get especially frustrated when it's this last type of cry, mainly because I wonder if my actions have hindered the learning of this very important skill. And then I feel exceptionally guilty all over again because I have to work and don't have the luxury of working with him on this at night and taking naps during the day. I feel like I need to take time off so I can help him figure out this sleeping thing and not have the affects of sleep deprivation affect me as severely as it does at work. And I'm also a little resentful that my husband can seem to sleep through all but the most ear-piercing shrieks while I jump at the faintest whimper. (I don't rush to the baby's side for the faintest whimpers; I just hear them and pay closer attention... which means I don't sleep.)

How did my mother handle this? Well, my grandmother was there to take care of me, for one, and for another, I slept through the night fairly early. My mother-in-law fed my husband cereal at two months so that he would sleep through the night. I'm not quite ready to go that route because (a) Dr W advised against it and (b) my husband has a number of tummy issues that I'd rather Baby C not experience.

Chris will be up in about 45 minutes, and I just put the boy down (again - the third time since I began writing this post). We'll see how he does. I'm hoping he sleeps for an hour, at least.

As for me, I have some crow to finish. But maybe I should save it for dinner tomorrow.

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My guy had been going down to sleep like a champ for the last month or so. (He's not sleeping through the night, but he'd go to sleep well. This was a great improvement over when he was 2-8 weeks old, and would cry from 8pm to midnight, no matter what we did). But this last week, he's started to protest bedtime and will cry and cry. I finally figured out last night what it is--he wants to play and be with mom and dad. At this age, babies are learning that mom and dad are way more fun than a boring crib. But what he wants (play time) isn't always what he needs (sleep). In fact, he would be cranky if we did play with him, because he'd become overtired.

I recommend Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth to learn about sleep issues and how to handle them.

And I know what you mean about husbands. Mine will even sleep through the ear-piercing shrieks. But strangely enough, if I talk while feeding the baby at night, it'll wake him up. Go figure.

I used to keep the baby in bed with me between feedings too, you're certainly not alone there! From 8 weeks on (before then he was in the pack n play in our room), I started putting him down in his crib but bringing him to bed w/ us at feeding time. Gradually he started sleeping more in his crib, as he quit eating less often during the night.

I also recommend Weissbluth. If the congestion is causing/adding to the problems, you could also try propping up the head end of the mattress (put a blanket under the mattress) and/or a humidifier.

Hang in there. You didn't do anything wrong by bringing him to bed...you were doing what you had to do to survive and for both of you to get some rest! It's a hard choice to make, so don't beat yourself up over it. You are making amends to get better sleeping situations for everyone now, even if it's tough going at first. I'll be thinking about you!!! Maybe one night during this transition period Chris could be the one on-call for the baby and you could get a full night of rest. I've also heard from several of my Mommy friends (one who has 5 of her own!) that the "Healthy Sleep Habits" book is terrific. Keep us posted. :-)

I made the same emphatic statement against co-sleeping while I was pregnant. After all, you do all the reading that convinces you your baby will die of SIDS if you do it, so in doing so you're being totally negligent. What I learned later was that in many other cultures co-sleeping is quite normal and encouraged, and the SIDS rate isn't any higher elsewhere. So, I encourage you not to feel guilty about doing it. When I did go back to work for those months I did bring our daughter to bed with us because of the very reasons you described. Though I do also understand the need to "reclaim" your bed. I read a few different sleep books including the ones mentioned above in other comments, and ended up trying them all out to see what worked. Sleep is (for many of us) definitely one of the greatest challenges in parenting. Hang in there!

Sleep. My issues always been that I want more and seem to get less. You'll figure this all out. We had great sleep for a few months and then around six months everything went off. We tried so many things over the course of the next six months and while I think things helped it wasn't till he hit a year and I felt comfortable weaning him off his nighttime feedings and letting him cry things out till things are finally getting a little better. Don't beat your self up about things that are in the past. Figure out things you want to try now and just go for it and adjust if they aren't working. I also wouldn't go with the solid food thing. Breastmilk is all they need right now and I doubt anything else would make him sleep longer or fall asleep easier. It's just a skill he needs to learn and with everything they need to learn it might take a little time.

Just another data point - I have 4 kids and starting with #2 right through to my current newborn, I cosleep on purpose. ;-) It's the only way I find to get a consistent night of sleep with babies in the household.

In my experience you get some natural windows of opportunity to get them into a crib before the end of the first year, but they really need the closeness before those opportunities present themselves. We eased the transition in our household - for the first 4-5 months baby is simply in bed with us.

Then - until about 10-12 months, we move the crib into our room and start putting baby down for the night in the crib, but bring baby back to bed for feedings. They're about 50/50 in the crib at this point, but over time they gradually spend more of the night in the crib and less in the bed. By around the one year mark, I find that we're waking the baby up with our stirrings and move the crib into babies room.

YMMV, but it's worked very well for us - gentle transition with no "cry it out" and everyone gets SLEEP, which is my number one priority when it comes to the sleep issue.

Good luck and best wishes!!

Crow: Best served cold with a side of humility and a glass of realism

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